-Random Thoughts 02-

Everyone wants to love and to be loved. I guess it’s our nature to crave for attention and affection. Sometimes, I ask myself, to what extent can we love someone? Up to what extent can we fight for the things that we love? What does it take for someone to hold on to something? What instances are we willing to sacrifice for the things that we love?

Is it wrong if I would be selfish just for this time?  When I already sacrificed everything and the only thing that I want to have is you? Is it wrong if the only thing that I did was to love you?

They say that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast and it is not proud. We have different opinions about it but I do believe that love is such a wonderful feeling. It makes you feel as if the time will stop. It will give you butterflies in your stomach. Cliche as it is but it will make you feel as if you’re soaring up in the sky,

When it comes to love, people at times sacrifice things. They give their own happiness even if it means getting nothing in return. I still remember when I was in 9th grade, during the impromptu speech, I answered that when you sacrifice something for someone, it shows your love for them. You give them something money can never buy. I always wonder, why is it that if love makes people happy, why does it bring pain to others? Why can’t everyone just be happy? Then reality hits me, it could be because they are just a life lesson brought to us. A lesson to learn that when the time comes, the right person will be there for you.

I still remember the time when I decided to let you go. When I told myself that I have to let go of all the feelings that I had for you. Maybe, because I want to respect that you chose to let go rather than to stay. It was quite difficult at first. All those times we spent together, the promises and such and the way that you make my heart flutter. The way you make me kilig with all the simple and kind gestures that you did for me. The way that you smile at me and whenever our eyes meet unexpectedly. Those simple and but unexpected compliments you gave me paints a smile across my face. I miss those times when I sent my voice recordings to you and you still listen even though my voice is shaky. I miss the old ‘us’, if you can call it that way. Even after this time, I’m still wondering and doubting if you’ll ever come back. Maybe, someday when time will let us. When time will let us meet again and nothing can be a hindrance for us. When we’re both okay. When our hearts our both healed and not for the reason that we met because we have to heal each other’s hearts. For now, let us not see each other. I hope that we won’t meet for long.

I want to forget you. I want to forget all those heartaches that occurred in the past. The saddest part about parting was when you left during the time when I needed you the most. I was at my worst but you never knew ,and that was sadder. Still, I understand and respect your decision because my decision now was to let go too. To let go of everything that we had and to not expect anything again from you. To accept the fact that maybe we can never be. But letting go doesn’t remove the fact that I am scared to fall in love again, I am scared to meet people who will make me feel special. A person who will give me butterflies in my stomach like you do. I pray and I hope that it won’t last that long and if ever that time comes, I’ll make sure that my heart is free from hatred and is ready to love again.

-Random Thoughts 02-