I am in a new world again and I can say that,

“I am lost”

I was mentally prepared for this at first. It’ll be a new environment, better than the previous one. There’ll be lots of trees, lots of greens, fresher air and nicer ambiance. A better place to completely heal myself and the scars that I’ve accumulated over the past years.

I wanted this, or so I thought.

The first week was really hard, I miss my family and I miss my friends. I can always show my best self in front of others yet whenever I go back to my crib, it’ll be a sad one. Sepanx was real. It was hard but I have to endure it a little bit.

At first, I was counting days until I will be able to go back to Manila. It went for weeks that I didn’t notice that a month has already passed and I’m going back to Manila again? August was a quick month. I’m not sure if I’m fully adjusted with the things around me but I know that it’ll get better.

First month of college was such a nerve wrecking situation.

There were lots of orientations and lots of students that I got to interact with. Socializing was a very tiring activity for me haha, it drained my energy. Classes started and lab classes were very tiring. We even had a 7 am up to 7 pm class and the only break time that we had during that day was a 30 minute break before Math class.

Acads were difficult.

Hindi ko alam if this is only me but I am still at the point wherein hindi talaga ako sigurado kung gusto ko yung ginagawa ko. It’s very contradicting to the things that I am used to. I am a creative writer and yet, I have to write and finish lab sheets/ reports which are a very technical paper. I am not good in drawing and yet, I have to draw what I’m seeing under a microscope.

Hindi ako sigurado haha

I don’t even know if this is still me haha, alam mo yon I am starting to develop a study habit (which is good). I also try (take note of the word ‘try’) to sleep by 9 pm because ayoko na talaga ng napupuyat. I don’t want to faint haha kaya I try to get a good sleep. Di ko na rin kasi talaga kaya magpuyat ng bongga kaya every opportunity na ibinibigay sakin na pwede akong matulog, sleep comes first !

This time, I want to prioritize my health more than anything else.

Thinking about it, hindi ko naman talaga alam kung anong gusto ko eh. If ever na gusto ko mag-shift, in what degree program should I go? Hindi ulit ako sigurado haha.

If you are one of the persons who’s going through the same phase with me, what do you think we should do?

Siguro hindi lang naman ako yung nasa phase na tinatanong yung sarili natin kung para dito ba talaga tayo sa field na kinabibilangan natin. Hindi rin lang naman ako yung may mga tanong na “Para sa akin ba talaga ‘to?” I think that if not all , some people who were also in my age and freshie in a new university are also having these thoughts. I still have lots of questions and uncertainties in my mind but I told myself that I have to live in the moment for now

I’m thankful for the people who are making my stay in LB a great one, my super classmates. If it weren’t for them, I’m not sure if I’ll able to enjoy every class that I’m taking right now. I also appreciate all the meals that we’ve been sharing since day one.

I’m also thankful to my euphoria and jackpot fam, you guys are really my home. After the stressful week, seeing you guys on weekends or even the talks and calls that I am constantly having with you made my heart feel at ease. It makes my heart calm. Our ‘study with me’ sessions helped me stay through the night, finishing my lab sheets, rewriting my notes and doing my requirements.

My family whom I get to see every weekends, all those times spent with you or even when I just stay at home makes me feel that I am still okay. That maybe the things that I am doing right now will all pay off in the end. I get to remember that the things that I am doing right now isn’t just for myself or for others but also for the people that I cherish.

Thank you for keeping me grounded.

Honestly, this month made me very anxious. I had lots of what ifs, sometimes I ask myself “Should I have just taken the gap year?” “Am I in the right degree program?” “Why does it feel like things aren’t paying off?”

These thoughts won’t be gone for quite a while but I know I’ll have to endure it. I have to take every challenge that life has been giving me.

For now, I have yet to find where I am off to;

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Check out my graduation article : Forever, a Tiger

Check out my latest Vlog(?) as well : VLOG # 2 | Senior High School Graduation!