Have you heard about the butterfly effect? It is when something small happened to your life seems to bring you life changing decisions up to a larger extent; because that is what it felt on that one SAIS registration day.

Pre-thesis years

As usual, SAIS reg sucks (this is not even an understatement) but every semester, students would literally fight for units that we all deserve but the administration is not able to provide us ( and it literally gets worse every school year, awa na lang talaga).

It was first semester of my sophomore year ( turns out at the end of that semester, freshie standing pa rin ako kasi hirap ako makakuha ng units!!!!), and the minimum units back then was reduced to 12 units, and ang na-enroll ko? 10 units pa lang.

I kept on looking which courses should I enroll pero wala pa rin talagang available, and when I talked to Ela, she suggested na magtake ako ng BIO 191, may available daw which is special topics, something about aquaculture. At first, I was hesitant kasi pwede na ba ‘yon i-take?  Turns out pwede pala ilagay sa electives once we have our plan of study na so I opted for a Bio 191 course.

While I was browsing, I thought to myself. Ayoko talaga ng aquaculture (I am sorry not my interest po that time haha), and then I saw Ecosystem Services and Climate Change. I was like: Ooooh iNcH rEsTiNg >.> and it also fits my schedule

So, I enrolled, but worried if the FIC (Faculty-in-charge) will accept me since consent of instructor lang ang need to enlist the course. Surprisingly, ma’am accepted me, and she became my professor.

That semester was my turning point because alongside BIO 191 I took Bio 150 (Ecology) which was really interesting even if it was taken online. From then on, it kinda felt like my life is starting to steer towards a direction that I am interested in.

Scared pa nga ako slight when I attended that class because those years was when I was really struggling with online interactions. Nevertheless, ma’am D was sooo mother that I was able to keep up with the course, and she always had the kindest words whenever she returns our paper requirements.

I was just on my second year back then and for some reason, I know I am already excited for my thesis year(s).

After that semester, I told ma’am how thankful I am for that course and hoping that she would become my thesis adviser in the future, and she was positive about it. Fast forward to my junior year, we got to choose our majors, and I chose Ecology (BEST MAJOR REALNESS) and had ma’am Demi as my thesis adviser.

I started my thesis on my 4^th year, still on junior standing since I got minimum units nga haha, and ma’am Demi kept on guiding me from writing chapters I to III. Sadly, she has to retire so I was anxious about what was gonna happen to my thesis…

But then, she introduced me to sir Janvin, who will then become my thesis adviser.

At one point, my advisers suggested if I could change my topic to freshwater, but for personal reasons, I asked if I could still pursue something related to marine. Thankfully, they agreed though it means that my thesis sampling will be pushed back to a later date.

Midyear

After a semester of the sampling schedule being pushed back from time to time because of scheduling and the oil spill, internship era has entered; and we finally got the go signal to conduct my thesis sampling. It was the most tiresome day that we had. Ang sakit sa katawan realness kasi 2 days lang naming tinapos lahat ng sampling. I wouldn’t really be able to finish that if not for Sen, Nate, Ed, and the rest of CENRD staff who helped us.

The crazy thing about that sampling (and the whole internship) was that everything that I know before that whole experience is only from THEORY and not so much on practicals (as a pandemic kid T-T), so I was praying to the gods that this would work hahaha

Final year, 1^st semester

Back in Elbi, I had a fair share of struggles about scheduling, permits, and stuff. Things that are beyond my control kept on making me extend the duration of this thesis.

I spent lots of days at the greenhouse (ang inet saur saur much T_T), and at the GenBio lab. My univ life that time would be a cycle of I would attend classes, and on free days I would be doing my thesis. My life would be just like that whenever I am in the campus. Ultimate workout ko ata yung magpabalik-balik from the different laboratories… 7K+ steps in a day was easy eh nasa IBS lang ako ?!?! T_T

Thanks to my frennies na sinasamahan ako mag-turn off ng oven pag gabi na since some days my class ends at 7pm and super dilim na sa greenhouse T_T (Iskeri feel ko nasa criminal minds ep ako HAHAHAHA), also to pleaf na tinutulungan ako magdala ng apakabigat na distilled water from supermarket to greenhouse (kasi walang dH2O sa lab ???????????????????? anyways)

Whenever my friends and I talk about thesis, I would say na it was really some kind of fun (because it really is!), but it was still stressful at the same time!! It was stressful in ways that I could not control especially when it comes to applying permits, laying out schedules, and how the samples would react. It was experimental in some ways, but structured so often that even if the progress was slow, at least it was progress, right?

Still, I have to admit that I enjoyed the days at the field more than the days that I spent at the lab, because it was so boring especially when I have to wait for my samples for intervals of 30 minutes and more for the processes to actually finish.

So, during those times, I kept myself busy by the never ending washing of glasswares, and sometimes I just watch some series on my phone haha. Feel ko pwede ko na ilagay sa CV ko yung dishwasher tlg!!!!!!!!

Along with my current academic load, I managed to have progress with my thesis, and that was the semester that evoked something in my system. Thanks also to Animal Ecology course when I realized that MAYBE I want to pursue marine ecology (ma’am Elma ily for making that course soooooooo enjoyable T_T )

It was on the last day of 1st semester when it dawned upon me that I was not gonna finish my thesis on the first semester. It was my plan to graduate that time and realizing that I wouldn’t was soooo overwhelming I thought I was gonna break down sa IBS hahahahaha, thank god I didn’t?!?! Thank the heavens for frennies who gets your sentiments talaga!!!

I know I was at my limit then because the following day, I got sick. Same old same old me na nagkakasakit almost every end ng semester because I keep on pushing myself with the “patapos naman na ito” narrative. (Don’t be like me kids T_T)

Final year, 2^nd semester

February 2024 was when I went back to the lab and mostly ay microscopy na lang and stuff.

I thought it was gonna be easier, but alexa play F.M.L seventeen T_T it was SO tedious. It was the most boring part ata haha but what can I do? Ginusto ko ito T____T

That’s the thing about struggling about something you like. You can only reklamo but you will still move forward, because you want it. And that’s what makes it worth it. It became something that matters – at least for me.

Looking back, no matter how bored I am from time to time, there are days that makes it worth it, na, yes this is a path I chose, and that I am enjoying this FROM TIME TO TIME.

Because for me, what matters the most is that I will be possibly pursuing a career that I will enjoy and that will yield results that could possibly be beneficial for others and for the environment.

Microscopy though was a challenge for my wrists because ergonomically, it’s not it for me. I want to finish the observations but there were days when my wrists get really swollen and that’s when I knew I overworked myself again haha (thanks to my PT bestie for giving me some reminders on what exercise I can do for my wrists!!)

This thesis taught me a lot of things, but what I loved the most was that it built a system in me. I realized that I can be THAT diligent if I developed a process and if I put my mind into it. (Who iz shEeEEee???? She was a different kind of ME)

Imagine for around 5 months(?) My routine would be waking up, breakfast, lab until 4pm ( The most would be when I did 9am to 7pm, wow who iz she working girlie realness). Sometimes I work on weekends (because it feels like I am running on a deadlineeeee!!)

…

I was hoping to finish by April talaga, but things doesn’t really always work out the way you wanted to and to my surprise, my thesis defense was scheduled on the 28^th of May, the same week of our theater production (my theater acting debut ?!) which is on May 30 (this is for a diff article na haha )

So my birth month turned out to be the busiest ang biggest month of my undergraduate life. I just kept on telling myself that if I got through this, I could do other things.   

…

There were days prior to thesis defense when I even thought of deferring another semester… (intrusive thoughts said: mag-midyear ka pa kaya?) But whenever I consult with sir Janvin regarding my thesis, he always tells me na “kaya yan” /umiyak ╥﹏╥/ so sino ba naman ako para hindi tapusin ang papel na itwoah diba?!? Feel ko umay na rin si ser sa mga tanong ko wahahaha chariz

The patience and guidance talaga ni ser throughout this paper ay unmatched!!

…

May 28^th arrived.

For some reason di ako kinakabahan hahahaha (nasa ‘it is what it is’ state ata ako) HAHAHAHAHA maybe it helped na theater prod na rin namin in 2 days kaya mas kinakabahan ako about that?! So tip lang, if you have something to be nervous about, add something that will make you more nervous para di walang effect yung isa WAHAHAHA

For some reason di ako kinakabahan hahahaha (nasa ‘it is what it is’ state ata ako) HAHAHAHAHA maybe it helped na theater prod na rin namin in 2 days kaya mas kinakabahan ako about that?! So tip lang, if you have something to be nervous about, add something that will make you more nervous para di walang effect yung isa WAHAHAHA

Thesis presentation day

I really don’t wanna call it defense kasi di naman offensive ang panel???????? As they should???? Because I believe that this is an academic discussion and should not be an avenue for power tripping ng panel or chance to attack someone (if it still exists today in other places). So I think it went well properly naman hehe.

Anyway, got to present my thesis on ground, and virtually at the same time (because ma’am D was overseas, and we also invited ma’am Beth from CENRD)

And it was kinda a blur.

I just remember presenting my study, answering the questions, panicking a little because ma’am D’s students overseas asked questions too T_T, listing down the suggestions/recommendations, and wanting it to finish already T_T hahaha

I do not know if it was the stress, the excitement, or I do not know what emotion I should list down hahahaha but I can’t remember a lot of things (or I can’t write it in public HAHAHA XD).

Finally, it was done !!!!!!!! I am freeeeeeee best day of my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

– or not yet XD (some revisions hello?)

Revisions

The actual thesis presentation day doesn’t have a lot of kwento because I think this thesis was basically about the journey prior to this. I am glad we got through this phase of our lives, and I am happy that even if this was an individual requirement, the people I have struggled with throughout this journey have been my greatest support system in this university life.

True to what they say na your university life ends on a random Thursday, and I can still remember how I finished printing my manuscript at the laboratory. Compiling it and submitting it to our Division head and that’s it.

Wow.

What a feat.

Words of gratitude

I know I have thanked everyone on my thesis acknowledgement, but I really haven’t shared it online haha so here I am writing another version (and more informal) of thank you-s to everyone who helped me get through this journey!!

To the CENRD staff, ma’am Beth & sir Willy. Super thank you po for all the help that you’ve given to us especially during our internship. Those days were the days when I realized that I am really doing this study (there’s no going back na talaga T_T)

To all the laboratory staff who were so nice and accommodating every time I use the laboratories from the  Gen Bio lab (Tito Aris), Ecology lab (Tito Dudz and Lolo Max), and Ecoinformatics lab (Sir Jop, Sir Migs, Sir Lawrence, and Sir Joshua), maraming maraming salamat po.

NATE, ED, & SEN, my best girlies na super big part ng college life ko?!?! Dami na nangyari since our internship days and I’m glad we became frennies tlg!!!! From putikan days to marcha days :*

Again, to my college frennies na nahahatak ko pag need ko magpasama papunta sa greenhouse kasi need ko patayin yung oven, and it’s so dark na since 7pm na natatapos class ko minsan wahahaha thank u wuv u. And sa mga kasabay ko magsulat na tapusin ang thesis na itwoah!! Proud ako senyo saur much <333

My family and parents for giving me all the support they can (specially financially wahahhaha) di ko naman din inexpect na magastos realness T_T and for accommodating my sched sa mga fam ganaps and galas :*

Of course, last but not the least. The mentors who have guided me throughout this journey, my thesis advisers – Ma’am Demi & sir Janvin. I am so so sooo much grateful to them. It’s one thing to have an adviser, but it’s really another to have mentors who are so passionate about their fields and who are patient in guiding you T_T

To ma’am Demi who was sooo mother in guiding me through this thesis from the very start. I cannot express how thankful I am because she really changed the trajectory of my undergraduate life. I will always be grateful po for your guidance ever since my sophomore year up until to this day.

To sir Janvin who was really the kindest. I am really grateful for all your guidance, help, and support throughout this whole process. Even if I keep on delaying the dates for the thesis presentation (supposedly first sem, to March, then max na May T_T sorry na agad ser) he really pushed me to survive this thesis. He really never failed to tell me na “kaya yan” as I progress with this thesis. I know ang dami ko po talagang questions and all haha but really grateful po for all your help with this paper.

Feel ko if hindi ganito kabait advisers ko, baka nagshift na ako talaga charot haha. Really felt their “gentle-parenting” haha,,, like if you are really mentored properly, you will be able to do good in your craft ( I wish I really did good tho?! T_T).

…

So, coming back to the main topic. Is it really a butterfly effect? I don’t know. But what I know and what I truly believe is that what’s meant for you will always find its way to you.

Thinking about it, some way or another, I think I will end up with doing Ecology as my major and I would never regret it.

One of the best things that resulted from this journey is that I really enjoyed doing my thesis (even with the rollercoaster of emotions of wanting and not wanting to do it haha), and it made me realize that I would want to do research in the future (at least it’s one of the things that I would like to do).

Posted on 23:59 –

the submission bin nostalgia.